Day Thirteen: Zooey.

ZOOEY.

          It’s been so long since I’ve seen Joseph, or even heard from him. I can’t imagine that I still creep into his mind every now and then. We were high school sweethearts, you see. Looking back on it all, so much has happened since then; since high school, since the Van Gogh Art Academy. That was when he and I were inseparable. I remember Mollie always telling me, “You watch Zooey, he’s going to be the Yoko to our Beatles. He’s going to take you away from us and we’ll never be the same again.” And for a time she was right.
          During high school, my whole life was centered on Joseph. He became everything to me; my morning, my afternoon, and my knight. Slowly, but surely, I did see less and less of Mollie and Jojo, but they understood. They knew that he made me happy and that was all that mattered. But then there came a point where I kept on giving myself to him, and he had stopped. This guard was put up and he wouldn’t let me in anymore. It was like things had changed entirely for him and he no longer wanted all the things that we had talked about. All of a sudden he wanted to be alone, to be unattached from everyone and everything. I never thought that I would be part of those “ones” or “things.”
          But life has changed a lot for me since then. Graduating from college will definitely do that for you, and I realize now that although he was such a big part of my life, he doesn’t need to be the only part of my life. I’ve moved on, and I’m doing well for myself, all on my own. I guess it’s like he told me once, “There’s more in life to think about than ideas of love Zooey. Before you do anything, before you can love anybody, love yourself and nobody else.” I took that to heart, and I’m doing that now.
          I live in San Francisco, managing local bands here and there. My degree is in business and my minor is in music. I always knew that I wanted to work in the music business, so I majored and minored in the two things that would help me get there. To say that my life is stressful would be an understatement. My schedule is this:
          5:30 AM – Wake up and go to the gym.
          6:45 AM – Come back from the gym, shower, get ready, and eat breakfast.
          7:30 AM – Take the M from the apartment to the Embarcadero.
           8:00AM – Meet with the boss of the company, pick up assignments (aka info on new
          bands).
          10:00 AM – Take the M back to West Portal, and meet with Charlie at the Music Store
          to give him demos of bands I already manage.
          12:00 PM – 5:00 PM – Meet with the bands.
          7:00 PM – 11:00 PM – Watch bands at Warfield, Slims, Bottom of the Hill, Fillmore, etc.
          Try to sign one.
          12:00 AM – Take the M back to West Portal and back to the apartment, have dinner,
          finish paper work on bands.
          2:00 AM – Fall asleep.
          Repeat.
          Somewhere in that whole mess of a schedule I find the time to still whip out the guitar every now and then. But it’s very rare. I mostly play the piano these days. I miss playing music so much. Sometimes I wonder if going into the business side of this whole thing was worth it, or if I should have take the road Mollie did.
          I still talk to Mollie at least twice a day on the phone and text her whenever I get the chance. It’s a little hard for her since she’s touring a lot these days. Part of me is so envious of her, that she saw what she wanted and went after it. She’s living our dream. Writing music and playing for her adoring fans. I’m proud of her. So very proud.
          Now don’t get me wrong. I love what I do. I love taking unknown names and trying to make them into big names. It gives me a certain sense of satisfaction when one does get past all of the bullcrap that surrounds the music industry and is able to answer their calling. It’s truly a beautiful thing to witness…but sometimes I wish that I was the one making it big, the one playing for my adoring fans.
Oh well, I guess you can’t live too much in the past, can’t live in your regrets. I chose my path and I’m doing it. There’s accomplishment in that. I wonder what Joseph would say if he could see me now…
          I wonder if he’s seeing anyone right now.
          I wonder if he’s married.
          I bet he’s married. He really is a catch. I mean, any girl would be crazy not to try to snag him as quick as possible. He’s the most charming man that I’ve ever known. He’d make such a good husband to some lucky girl. Whoever he’s married to right now is the luckiest girl in the world…
          One day I hope that all the dreams I had when I was a little girl will come true. The dreams that Zooey, Jojo, and I would talk about when we would sit on the front lawn of the Academy, in our little triangle.
          One day I wish that I will be writing songs and playing them for adoring fans.
          One day I wish that I will be married and happy with my husband and our children.
          One day I wish that I will be married…
          One day I wish that I will be married…to Joseph.
          Oh I do, I do, I do believe in yesterday.
          Oh how I long, I long, I long, for yesterday.